There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
