remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
