How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
accomplished twins. life is a go
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
