I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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