he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
