VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
