dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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