So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
