I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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