can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
