dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize