I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
