apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
