I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
