dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
