I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
