I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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