Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
now i know why i became what i already was.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
