She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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