The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
