so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
