Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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