I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
