My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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