how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize