I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize