apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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