Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
