found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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