i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You ruined the universe
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
