I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
