Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
