Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
These tits shall not be calmed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
