my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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