saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
