My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
