My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
