I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
