In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
