Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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