Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
