You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
