i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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