I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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