Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
