I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
