she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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