he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
