Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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