This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
