There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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