I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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