i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
