I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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