omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
