Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
