he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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