Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
