guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize