I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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