ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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