so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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