dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
