Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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