Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I still have a little drunk in my system
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize