i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
