god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Randomize
