if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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