I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
