He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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